And it is a Winner!

A few weeks ago, the New York Times Style section reported on the coverage of Hollywood men vs. women, and found that women are covered much more intensely. 

US Weekly’s visionary EIC Janice Min said, “Almost no female magazine will put a solo man on the cover…You just don’t.  It’s cover death.”

Sure, Time Magazine isn’t a celebrity magazine targeted to women yet, this would be a phenomenal celebrity weekly cover and I bet it would sell.

The headline is a bit weak.  “The Last Movie Star” falls flat.  But THE PHOTO!   The image is the majority of the battle on the newsstand!

Dear Friends,

I completed my trip to Phoenix where I spent four fun-filled days at the IAB conference, as well as some time at the pool.

Now I’m in Seattle visiting friends!

And yes, I already saw that Seattle Space needle thing.

Anyhow, stop by throughout the day for fresh postings.   It’s going to be a good one!   

xoxo
Mark 

That’s No Fun!

Rule #1 (or at least one of the rules) on covers: 

Avoid telling your readers they are going to die!

Yes, this cover is shocking.  It startled me when I first saw it.   And the yellow background is striking.  But, would I purchase it as a newsstand buyer?

F*@%  NO!  

On another note.  If you live in NYC proper and see all those little psychic stores on every corner, you’ll probably want to see what TONY has to say.  (I admit, I’ve checked out a few of these places and believe they’re a total scam.   But I’ll probably go again!)

You’ll also notice that TONY has “good sex spells” in really small type.   That would be my headline!  Not “You are going to die…”

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Is Katie Pregnant?

Anytime a magazine ASKS A QUESTION like this, I know they DON’T have the answer. 

And the photo they used on the cover is SO NOT convincing!

When you read the dek, you know that they are definitely not sure.   Here’s some of their evidence with my thoughts in parenthesis!

Her 10 lb. weight gain.  (Did someone at OK put her on a scale?  If so, I want to see the photo!   The one on the cover makes her look perfectly slender with no bump in site.)

Romantic dates with thrilled Tom (They are married after-all.  This doesn’t convince me she’s sperminated.  But it convinces me that she’s at least eating and supports the ten pound weight gain.  I know when I eat out vs eating at home, I tend to gain more weight.  Don’t ask about the hotel mini bar!  It was just there sitting in front of me.  I couldn’t control myself!)

His mommy to be gifts (Oh, now I believe this story. NOT! I hope Tom buys Katie gifts!  Isn’t that a given when you’re husband is super rich?) 

There’s an incredibly laughable sneak peek of this story on OK’s website.  But you have to read this quote right now….

“She has that special glow that only pregnant women have,” an eyewitness tells OK!. “I would say there is a strong possibility that she’s pregnant.”   (That special glow…I have that glow after I sit in the sun for two hours!  I hope people don’t speculate that I’m pregnant!)

This could be one of the weakest pregnancy covers I’ve seen in a LONG time!

Moving to the glorious sidebar….I’m treated to an inset of George Clooney and his girlfriend with the line “What REALLY Happened at the Oscars!”  Do I give a shit at this point?  The Oscars totally sucked!

And then the most obvious line in history is “First Pics of Angie’s Bump!”  

This cover smells like a big newsstand STINKER!

My suggestion to OK would have been to use the full picture of Angie’s bump and go with a strong Angie preggers story.   Visually, it’s much more believable than the Katie Holmes story and would be a better seller on the newsstand.

There’s always next week!

LET’S FOLLOW THE WORST OSCARS EVER WITH THE WORST OSCARS’ COVER EVER!

TV Guide is officially a complete mess!

Let’s go to the transcript of Inside TVTVGuide’s editorial meeting where the intense cover discussion was held!  (OK - I admit not the exact meeting, but you know that by now!)

EIC:  WTF are we going to do for our cover this week?

Random editor: Umm, what about an Oscar cover?

EIC:  Now that’s an original idea.  Someone came to the office today ready to work! (I admit this line was partially stolen from the Devil wears Prada!)

Random editor:  Yes, that would be AMAZING!   We should show all the big stars that showed up.

EIC:  Who was there?

Random editor:  Ummmm?

EIC:  OK, let’s not panic.   What were they wearing?

Random editor #2:  I saw a lot of RED this year.  That’s definitely a big trend!

EIC:  We’ve got our cover.  Let’s put the big A-Listers on the cover and call it RED HOT OSCARS!  I’m a genius!

LATER THAT DAY!

Random Editor #3:  I noticed that the cover dek says “The dresses!  The parties! The bumps!” but we don’t show any bumps on the cover.

EIC:  Ahh, that doesn’t matter. 

Random Editor  #3 says nothing and walks away thinking “What an idiot!”

THE END!

People magazine is once again scoring new celebrity baby pics.  They bought J. Lo’s twins (double bonus!) for a whopping six million and doled out close to 2 million for the first shots of Xtina’s baby.  Now, People has made another coup, securing pictures of Nicole Richie’s baby for over 1 million.  (NY Daily News)

ACCORDING TO ME, SHE LOOKS SLIGHTLY DERANGED!

If you’re into celebrity babies, than you’ll LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this cover of Life & Style.  Plus, if you’re into Britney being pregnant, you can buy Star and Life & Style this week to satiate your Brit preggers appetite!

Kicking it off old-school with one of the most over-used lines in celebrity weekly history — Life & Style says “Britney LOOKS pregnant.”  Plus, in case you can’t see the bump, there is an arrow pointing to it!   It’s always good to make sure your reader sees the visual evidence.

(Note to celebrity weekly editors:  This may be obvious but the word “look” is used when you are not 100 percent sure that the celebrity is pregnant, but you have a good picture that supports your theory.) 

To me, I wouldn’t be surprised if Britney is pregnant.  It would be quite sad!  On the other hand, there are no new details in the dek that make me believe she’s pregnant.  

You’re thinking Mark - But of course she is.  Britney’s back with her boyfriend, not drinking and she’s got a growing bump!  At least, that’s what I think you’re thinking. 

And I say, SO WHAT!   Being back with her boyfriend is not evidence that she’s pregnant.   Neither is NOT drinking.   Hasn’t her Dad been watching her 24/7?   If she’s caught drinking or there’s any alcohol near her, Daddy is going to rip it out of her hands.   And that bump, pleaaasee.   

BTW - Really weird photo inset.  If the lead of the dek is Britney’s back with her boyfriend, I would have shown her with Adnan (if that’s the boyfriend they’re talking about - since they never mention him by name I’m not sure.)

More Baby News & Photos!

J. Lo and Mark’s “Beautiful Babies!”   If you’re a nut-job, you’ll believe Life & Style has the pictures of the twins and will pick-up the magazine to see her bundles of joy.   I’m guessing that People won the reported six million dollar bidding war for the photos!

And Kate Hudson is possibly pregnant and reports have surfaced that it may allegedly be Justin Timberlake’s baby.  Wow!  That would be one hot baby!  Question?  Why cover up the majority of Kate’s belly with the type?  Don’t we want to see that full bump???

On a totally unrelated note to the cover stories, Life & Style please remove the cheezy $1 less than US Weekly button!   It cheapens the brand - and who wants to be compared to US Weekly?

HOW MANY STORIES ON THIS COVER DID CANDACE PAY FOR?

There’s an EXCLUSIVE story breaking from Star this week.   It “appears” that Adnan is saying “Brit’s having my baby!”   OMG - The horror of it all.

It makes me wonder how much Star payed Adnan for this story???  $10 grand, $20 grand, $100,000 grand???  After all, Candace loves paying for stories!

I’d like to point out that Star did not say “Britney’s Pregnant.”   So, most likely, there is not a 100 percent confirmation on this story.

If Brit’s is with child, Star says ’shock of all shocks’ she’s hoping it’s a girl!   Oh yeah, she already has two boys.  Granted she can’t see them right now, but if she was pregnant, it would be probable that she’d hope for a girl.   (BTW - I’m HOPING that I get a good tan today.)

Her Mom and Dad are horrified.  Hell, I’m horrified!  Who on the planet wouldn’t be horrified that Britney could be pregnant?

Brit’s revenge on Jamie Lynn.  Now that’s sick.   Britney’s having a third child because her 16 year old sister got knocked up.

This cover just wants to make me SCREAM!   It’s all total madness!

But wait, it gets so much better!

J. Lo’s a “Delivery Room Diva.”   I know, I’m a guy and I’ve never delivered a baby or will, but I have friends that have delivered babies and they tell me it’s a pretty painful experience. 

Translation — even the sweetest girls can suddenly turn into divas!   So, no story here either.

Stay tuned for the Life & Style’s cover, which looks very muck like Star’s cover.  Makes you say hmmmm!

LOOKS LIKE JANICE MIN IS A FAN OF COVERAWARDS AND READ THIS WEEK’S PASETSKY PREDICTIONS

What do you do if your previous week’s cover sucked wind on the newsstand?

My advice for celebrity weekly editors: Check out Pasetsky’s predictions on Monday for some inspiration.  Don’t worry, it’s free  (for now)!

This is where I suggested that one of the weeklies would show Jen Aniston “upset” over Angelina’s pregnancy.   Good for US Weekly.  There’s no shame in their game.  They took my advice and I’m NOT going to ask for any compensation cuz I’m such a nice guy!

There’s so much more to talk about on this cover, I don’t know where to get started!  So let’s dive in head first!   (I’m sitting near a pool in Phoenix.  Still not tan enough though!)

In the dek, US starts off by saying “She (Angie) claims she wants to meet Jen Aniston.”  Anybody who is familiar with celebrity “journalism” knows that Angie said this ages ago.  (I may have actually been in junior high school at the time. HA!)   Nice trick though to use that OLD quote.  

Then US asks the question “What made Angie back out of the meeting?”   OK, I’m a little bit interested and hope the cover story answers the question.  I doubt it will, but whatever!

What’s even more intriguing to me is the skin tight dress that Angie wore the same day she was supposed to meet Jen.  Could she rub her second pregnancy in a little bit more to Jen?  

If Jen actually met her in person and saw Angie in that dress, I think she would have passed out on the spot.   So my guess is that Brad (who still DOES care about Jen, at least a little) stopped the meeting from happening.  Brad you’re my hero — if that is true!

US Weekly Covers Politics?  WTF

In other celebrity news…oh wait, US Weekly is now covering politics.  I wonder why?  Does someone have a political slant for a certain party?  

Looks like someone has an Obama crush!  I can’t wait to see what Barack has to say about Britney cuz that’s what I want to hear about from the potential President of the United States. 

Did anyone else puke in their mouth just slightly when you read “Exclusive US Weekly Interview” (with Barack) followed by “Boxers vs Briefs.”  That is so ridiculous and so 1990-something!  

Janice, it’s always important to remember that readers of celebrity weeklies read these magazines to escape what’s going on in the world.  Politics doesn’t fit in the mix.   Plus, you’re offending supporters of other candidates, which WILL hurt your newsstand sales.  

Please, please, please - I’m begging - do not ask John McCain if he wears boxers or briefs in an upcoming issue!

My advice:  Stick to celebrity coverage!