Audrina Patridge British FHM April Cover

Sigh. Another Audrina Patridge bikini cover. Sigh.

Am I the only one not impressed with Audrina Patridge‘s earth-shattering, fake-breasted “beauty“? Overanalyzing The Hills will get me nowhere fast, I know this, but what does Audrina, honestly, bring to the table?

I get it with Kristen Cavallari — she’s a throaty, wannabe villainess type. I humor it, I buy it and there’s something authentically naughty about her. Lauren Conrad isn’t a complete idiot so that alone lets her shine (although a part of me dies everytime I see her introduced as a New York Times bestselling author). Speidi are a walking freak show, car accident, mess, Lo’s a normal girl, soon to fade into obscurity but Audrina? Eh. Audrina‘s just kind of….there. Not bold or exciting enough to conjure a je ne sais quoi “star quality” yet not relatable enough to appear normal either. It’s a murky little hole she’s dug for herself.

On the bright side, as long as she’s willing to spray tan and keep the twins afloat, magazines like FHM will continue to prop her up and shoot.

Click here for all the FHM outtakes if you’re at all interested.

~Melissa Noble