Lindsay Lohan Wants E-Trade To Pay Her $100 Million

Fired from Ungaro, Lindsay Lohan has to make a buck somehow…

…and that “somehow” is filing lawsuits against companies who dare to use the name “Lindsay” in television advertisments.

Today The New York Post delighted in reporting on the $100 million ($100 million!!) lawsuit Lindsay and her legal team concocted due to an E-Trade ad where babies pretend to play the market and a “milkaholic” named Lindsay is featured.

Clearly anything with the name “Lindsay” and “aholic” somewhere (anywhere!) in the same sentence (doesn’t matter where, what or why) is a swift, humiliating jab at La Lohan. Of course it is. Afterall, Lindsay is a one-of-a-kind name. Right up there with “Oprah” “Paris” or “Madonna.” Well, that’s what her lawyer is debating at least.

Her lawyer (who had a hard time keeping a straight face) told the Post:

“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.”They used the name Lindsay,” Ovadia said. “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”

Wait, wait — who’s “everybody“? And furthermore, what’s all this “parady of her life” nonsense? It’s almost too ludicrous to even comment, but a spokesman for Grey Group, which produced the spot, giggled to the Post:

“[E-Trade] just used a popular baby name that happened to be the name of someone on the account team.”

Likely story. When will they learn Lindsay means and will always mean Lindsay Lohan. Let this be there warning to all other television creatives who dare use the name in any capacity.

~Melissa Noble

Check out the video here