Newsstand Junkie: Kate Gosselin Begins Mating Dance On ‘Dancing With The Stars’
**pulled from The New York Daily News
This week, Star finds a particularly agonized-looking photo of Katie Holmes to run on the cover. What’s wrong with Mrs. Tom Cruise? The mag says she’s been coerced into trying for baby No. 2, complete with “prenatal Scientology sessions,” “agonizing detox” and Tom “tightening the leash.” Most shocking, the article includes a picture of Suri with a food stain on her dress. Is Hollywood’s most perfect family falling apart? Find out in the ‘zines!
Star says Kate Gosselin is hoping “Dancing with the Stars” will “land her the man of her dreams” — and she’s off to a running start. In the last two weeks, she’s been spotted flirting with her bodyguard, Steve Neild, fellow contestant Aiden Turner and “Captains Jonathan Hillstrand and Sig Hansen of ‘Deadliest Catch’.” I think one of the last two is her best bet. Those guys are used to reeling in scary creatures from the murky depths.
OK!’s “OK or not OK” section asks Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford whether it is cool to bring your dog to work. Says Kathie Lee: “It depends on your job. As a talk-show host, I love bringing my dogs on the show, but if I were a brain surgeon I doubt my patients would appreciate it.” Kathie Lee, if you were a brain surgeon, a bichon frise in the operating room would be the least of your patients’ worries.
Taylor Lautner whipped out a tube of gel and spent 15 minutes spiking his hair in the bathroom of an L.A. steakhouse, says Star. “The other guys in the bathroom were teasing him because he was spending so much time on it,” says a source. Where is Pauly D when you need him to get your back?
For anyone who hasn’t kept up, Jake Pavelka of “The Bachelor” gave his final rose to Hooters waitress Vienna, and they rode off into the sunset. (Well, he rode off into “Dancing With the Stars.”) Anyway, this week Life & Style claims that the two are not in love. In fact, Jake‘s relationship with ex-girlfriend Tanya Douglas may have overlapped with the show. And also, when he and Vienna were out to dinner in L.A. last week, she “jumped at the chance” to order a second round of drinks, and then “Jake canceled it.” Oh, snap. One thing a reality-TV boyfriend should never, ever do is deny his fake fiancee a second glass of white Zinfandel.
Star reminds us that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are filming a movie called “The Tourist” in which their characters have sex in the shower. And they claim “Angelina likes to do her love scenes completely nude.” Brad Pitt is “green-eyed with jealousy,” and though Angelina has demanded a closed set, “she’s not going be able to stop Brad from being there,” says a source. On the bright side, if Johnny can give a convincing performance despite Brad staring from the sidelines, this could be his chance for an Oscar.
But OK! says that Depp is a sophisticated eccentric unimpressed with Angelina‘s wiles. “Trust me, kissing Angelina Jolie on camera is the least exciting thing he’ll do all year,” says a source. “He likes to do movies that are a lot weirder. … Johnny’s dream co-star is someone more along the lines of Helen Mirren.” Get ready for Johnny and Helen in “Body Heat 2.”
My other favorite Angelina — the one who left “Jersey Shore” after only three episodes — tells Life & Style that the cast members have picked on her ever since. She even claims “The Situation” sent her a text message that said, “Be prepared to get your a— beat, you pale rat b——.” The threat of violence aside, it must have really hurt to be called pale. It’s like all that tanning was for nothing!
In Touch claims that before Charlie Sheen checked into rehab at the end of February, he had been cheating on his wife with a woman who charged $2,500 a night for her “massage services.” And he didn’t seem concerned about leaving a paper trail, says the mag. He wrote checks out to “cash,” and once he even gave the woman his ATM card and PIN code. Isn’t it refreshing to see a celebrity who doesn’t expect to get everything for free?
“The Hills” villain Spencer Pratt was playing tug of war with his puppy, Rainbow, recently when he decided to imitate the pooch by holding his end of the rope in his mouth. Then, says OK!, Spencer lost his grip, bit through his own tongue and had to be rushed to the hospital. This is either the most horrifying story of the week, or an excuse to distract us when Spencer comes out of the hospital with lip implants.
Exes Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have let themselves be cast as lovers in a movie called “Bad Teacher.” Life & Style says the script calls for them to “dry hump” until Justin gets overexcited and rolls off Cameron with the words, “That was a mistake.” So don’t worry, film critics, he will not be called upon to act.
Us Weekly has the dubious honor of running Kendra Wilkinson‘s 70,000th “exclusive” interview about her pregnancy. This time we learn that “having a different body was such a culture shock. I’m so used to being hot and fit.” And that she went up two cup sizes. Dear Kendra, I hereby forbid you to do any more magazine covers until you have a new baby to talk about, your husband is caught cheating or you slap a Kardashian.
Life & Style has the details on two new tell-all books about Lady Gaga. “Gaga‘s darkest experiences included heavy drug use, raunchy sex and a night she partied so hard she thought she would die,” says the mag. Oh, and she may have had an affair with someone named Lady Starlight, who is pictured on page 51 wearing hideous pink eyeliner and clawing Gaga‘s tush with her leopard-print-painted nails. In other words, they were perfect for each other.
And finally, Star tells us everything was going great for Katie Holmes until Tom demanded a second baby. But he “sweetened the deal with $12 million,” the mag says. “And she could get more if she has twins.” So now Katie is allegedly undergoing IVF treatments at Cedars-Sinai and being forced to take Scientologist prenatal vitamins that “haven’t been agreeing with her.” To help, Tom has been “leading her in at-home visualization exercises” to create positive energy. You know, like telling her to picture green fields, beautiful beaches and the days when Josh Jackson would let her do whatever she wanted.
Written by: Patrick Huguenin for The New York Daily News
One Response to “Newsstand Junkie: Kate Gosselin Begins Mating Dance On ‘Dancing With The Stars’”
Awesome blog! Just thought I’d let you know.