Amanda Seyfried Talks Feces And Raw Food Diets In Esquire

It feels wrong to look at Amanda Seyfried all grown-up and sexy-like, no?

Not that Seyfried doesn’t look smashing — she does — albiet with one of those young, adolescent doll-faces. Like a female Zac Efron or a Jonas brother, it just feels predatory to think of them in a prurient manner.

Anyway.

Seyfried tells Esquire she left Big Love due to lack of work (?) and is on a strict raw food diet. But this quote’s the absolute best.

“I would always tell somebody if they had sh-t on their face. Especially if it’s really feces. Well, I’m a BFF. I play a BFF. It’s what I do. I have an actual necklace from Jennifer’s Body that says BFF. That’s my role right there.”

Hear that? Amanda Seyfried will never let you walk way around with feces on your face. She’s a true BFF humanitarian, cut from the most distinguished and selfless cloth.

~Melissa Noble

Kristen Stewart Wanted to Grope Dakota Fanning And Gossip Links

Kristen Stewart really wanted to grope Dakota Fanning but wasn’t allowed. Dakota’s too young — a tender 15. OK!

Whoops. Wyclef caught gifting his mistress/”personal assistant” six figures out of Yele Haiti charity money. Classy. Gawker.com

Lindsay Lohan looks like “Mr. Magoo at a Stevie Nicks costume party.” Ha. Oh, thank you Michael K. Dlisted.com

Jaime Kennedy and Jennifer Love Hewitt are dunzo? Celebitchy.com

This was just a matter of time — Jennifer Aniston and Heidi Montag share the silver screen in an upcoming project. usmagazine.com

Paris Hilton double dates with her parents. God. She’s so dull these days. Eonline.com

Kendra Wilkinson is sick and tired of having these huge, fake plastic breasts. Celebuzz.com

UK Tabloid Round-Up

What’s shakin’ this week across the pond.

OK!: Cheryl and Ashley Cole’s big split, how Ashley wants her back but Cheryl isn’t having it. Simon Cowell gets emotional about his fiance and Cruz Beckham steals the spotlight from Victoria.

Hello!: Hello! pokes its nose inside the 42nd Oscars with its “glitz, gowns, gems and gossip.” Too many g’s.

Grazia: Carey Mulligan wows Hollywood in this issue of Grazia. Madonna’s boy toy Jesus Luz talks to the magazine and a report on Jennifer Aniston’s fertility drama.

~Melissa Noble

Click on each issue to see its full size

Australian Tabloid Round-Up

What’s hot down under this week?

OK! Australia: OK! Australia goes inside the Oscars this week to indulge readers in the Oscars “feuds, frocks and hook-ups.” Meanwhile, Lara and Michael are in crisis and Katie Holmes has a Scientology baby bump.

New Weekly: New Weekly wants to remind us of all the “scary skinny” starlets of the Oscars. Also, Gaga is sex-free, Mischa Barton has a rehab lover and Kanye’s been texting RiRi sexy sweet nothings.

New Idea: New Idea asks: Lara, villain or victim? Also, is Kate Holmes in Scientology bootcamp?

Who: Who wonders what went wrong with Lara and Michael. Meanwhile, they divulge the good, bad and ugly of the Oscars.

~Melissa Noble

Click on each tabloid to see its full size

Gwen Stefani InStyle April 2010 Cover

Pretty!

This Technicolor April cover of Gwen Stefani for InStyle actually works. Love, love the white blonde hair against the ocean blue dress and red lips.