FHM Australia says Kim Kardashian has “The Best Body On Earth.”

Jennifer Aniston covers the April 2010 issue of Madison.

Fantastic cover line: Don’t Change Your Body, Change Your Jeans!

Amen. There’s no better way to beat the muffin top battle then a pair of pants two sizes bigger. We like how you think, Madison.

~Melissa Noble

Silly, tabloids. Angelina Jolie doesn’t want Johnny Depp! She wants Johnny’s girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis. ShowbizSpy.com

Raise your hand if you’re sick of hearing about Bombshell McGee. Now we learn all about her messy custody battle with her ex-husband. Eonline.com

OctoMom could face foreclosure. OK!

Paula Abdul isn’t going to host Star Search afterall. Dlisted.com

Hugh Grant attacked by chocolate cake! AAAAH! Celebitchy.com

Is Naomi Campbell balding? The Frisky.com

Speaking of aging supermodels, Stephanie Seymour is still hot. The Superficial.com

Whoever said Lindsay doesn’t work? Getting an entire country to blacklist you is no easy feat.

Last December when Lindsay attempted to be some sort of Angelina Jolie LITE humanitarian, she traveled to India and filmed a BBC documentary called Lindsay Lohan In India. She left an obnoxious tweet about saving children, which pissed off officials because Lohan did nothing of the sort, and all of sudden her Indian voyage was big PR whoops.

Well, today it surfaced that she didn’t apply for a work Visa and traveled to India instead as a tourist. This technically makes her work illegal and Indian officials threw up their hands and said “that’s it!” They are now ruminating whether or not she should be banned from the country. Indeed, the name “Lindsay Lohan” would be added to their immigration blacklist.

What ever did we do with our time before the colorful Lohan Family Tornado invaded our pop cultural landscape? Oh, they make it so easy. It’s a daily soap opera of rehab, failed clothing lines, shattered lesbian romances, reality shows and ludicrous lawsuits. But getting banned from a country? Congratulations, Lohan clan. You have outdone yourselves.

~Melissa Noble

Billie Joe of Green Day once considered himself bisexual. Who knew?

Green Day’s Grammy award winning album “American Idiot” is coming to Broadway and if you never considered Billie Joe a jazz hands, Out magazine cover type then look no further then a “Billie Joe Armstrong is bisexual” google search.

“My wife Googled ‘Billie Joe Armstrong bisexual,’ ” he says, laughing at the completely predictable outcome. “She’s like, ‘Yeah, there are about 20 pictures of you kissing different guys.’ There were a lot of people who didn’t accept it, who were homophobic. The fact that it’s an issue is kind of phobic within itself. At some point, you gotta think, this should be something that’s just accepted…when it comes to sex, there are parts of me that are very shy and conservative. I want to respect my wife.”‘

How refreshing. “American Idiot” opens on Broadway April 20th.

When W makes the leap from Fairchild to Conde Nast, Thomas J. Waller plans on hiring a new editor. But who will it be? WWD.com

The National Magazine Awards in Digital Media have been announced. FishbowlNY.com

Jon Stewart’s epic parody of Glenn Beck. Mediaite.com

More news about Sarah Palin’s Alaska reality show! Yipee! Yahoo!News.com

Sean Hannity’s charity is a scam. Gawker.com

Fox News capitalizes on interrupting Obama. Ratings skyrocket. HuffingtonPost.com

Lady Gaga’s ex needs money and concocted an elaborate $30 million lawsuit against her.

This morning Lady Gaga got an unwelcome visit from the ghosts of relationship past. Ex-boyfriend/music producer type Rob Fusari claims he coined her stage name, co-wrote “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich”, “Papparazzi” and pulled the appropriate industry strings to catapult his little “guidette” into stardom. He wants his check, dammit, and he wants it now.

Fusari told The New York Post he owns 20% of a company he formed with her father and is entitled to a pretty pile of the cash she’s accumulated. All he’s been given so far, he says, is a paltry $209, 000.

When you reach a certain level of fame people from your past dribble out of the woodwork and sniff around like rabid, beady-eyed roaches. Gaga’s people have yet to respond or justify this with a statement of any sort.

~Melissa Noble

Carrie Underwood is a “Good-Girl Scandal Magnet.” Hm.

Admittedly, we don’t laser-eye Carrie Underwood’s every move but we’re always in the mood for a good scandal, which is why calling Underwood a “scandal magnet” seems a bit dubious. To which “scandals” are they referring? The imagined love triangle between her, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson? That silly Matthew McConaughey “boots” statement from last year’s American Country Music Awards? (Yawn)

Anyway, Underwood is scandalous she’s finally learning how to write love songs. Why? Because she in love. Just pile on the infamy, Underwood!

“Underwood, who previously has been known for anthems like “Before He Cheats,” acknowledges that being in a happy relationship has changed the tone of her songs. “I think it’s a good thing,” she says. “I have more happy songs. I’ve never really done a love song, I realized, until this album…. I don’t do feelings. I’m not a mushy person.”

Chloe Sevigny looks very lioness on the cover of the April issue of Russian Harper’s Bazaar.

The unbuttoned shirt is a weird look on Kara DioGuardi.

I guess its nice she isn’t in a bathing suit or workout gear but this just makes me want to whisper “you missed a few” in her ear. Anyway, Kara talked about (ironically) bonding with Pink over a bottle of wine when writing the song “Sober.”

“[Pink] and I opened up a bottle of wine, and it was the greatest game of tennis ever. She would say an amazing line, and I had to say something just as good. We were in sync. We’ve all had things in our lives that we should’ve done without, whether it’s drinking, eating, or working too hard. We had a common ground, and I had one of the best nights of my writing life.”

~Melissa Noble