This isn’t going to be the most shocking thing you read all morning, but Jon Gosselin is now making the talk show circuit playing the victim. He told Good Morning America’s Chris Cuomo that he “doesn’t trust” Kate and can’t even sit next to her on the same couch anymore.

“I despise [her] because she’s not speaking from the heart…Please — the stuff you tell me in private should be the stuff you tell me on TV,” he said.

He thinks she had an affair with the bodyguard, stole his wedding ring, and wants to sour his good name (HA!) by appearing on magazine covers under garish headlines bashing him.

Oh, and he says 22-year-old Hailey Glassman is his “soul mate.”

We are thrilled he’s found love. Can we now please move on? Please?

Let’s chalk up the Gosselins as nothing more than a dysfunctional summer fling that can end once Labor Day passes. Let’s shelve them like we do our white sandals.

Do we really want to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas with more Gosselin drama?

The short answer: NO. The long answer: HELL NO.

Jon Gosselin, after taking up residence in New York City’s Upper West Side, has been quite the NYC scene-stealer in the past few weeks.

Alas, today he’s back to playing Dad in Pennsylvania with his kids. How does he feel about his recent rise to tabloid infamy?

“It’s crazy,” he told usmagazine.com. “I don’t want [8-year-old twins] Mady and Cara Googling me, and I have to explain [a photo] and lose that trust between my children. No, it’s dumb. Or explain it to my ex, Kate. Or explain to anybody what’s going on.”

That proposed Jon Gosselin reality show could actually turn out to be interesting.

Whether he’s hanging out with a Lohan (albeit, not the hot one) or playing the man about town, the guy keeps surprising people. (His wife, however, has been keeping with the same adorable crowd.)

In an exclusive statement to E! News, Gosselin reveals he’s in a relationship with Kate Major, aka Kate 2.0. And it’s “private.”

“I care about Kate Major, she resigned from her job for me. Right now, my focus is on my relationship with my kids. My personal relationship is private,” he says in an exclusive statement to E! News.

Kate Gosselin picks up the pieces, and the coffee, as she runs errands at Starbucks, UPS Store, PETCO and Toys R Us yesterday with twins Mady and Cara.

Meanwhile, back at the bachelor pad, Jon and girlfriend Hailey Glassman enjoy a walk in New York’s Harriman State Park.

According to sources at Radaronline.com, Jon leased the apartment a month ago and (this is best part) was using it to “get away from Kate.”

With a “round-the-clock doorman and amenities that include a work-out room, garden, hot tub and pool” Jon could be doing a lot worse. Now if only he could find a new girlfriend who matched the new apartment…

While Jon Gosselin’s new girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, has bad news written all over her, Jon thinks this rebound romance is just what the doctor ordered.

“Hailey and I have been family friends for several years and only very recently began dating. What began as friendship has grown into something more. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. It’s nice to be with someone who I can confide in and trust and who accepts me for who I am. I know that my decision to appear publicly with Hailey this weekend will be scrutinized, but I hope that people can see I’m a regular guy who is going through a very difficult time in [my] life and wants to move forward.”

Jon Gosselin was caught getting handsy and canoodle-y with new girlfriend, 22-year-old Hailey Glassman. Hailey, as usmagazine.com reports, is the daughter of the doctor who performed Kate’s tummy tuck. Way to multi-task, Jon!

Jon and Hailey were snapped in St. Tropez today.

Jon & Kate Gosselin family – remember them?  When we last heard from the troubled reality couple, they were announcing plans for a divorce.  It appears they were able to put their drama aside for the July 4th holiday and enjoy time together with the kids.

Another setback for Kate Gosselin.

Her new clothing line promotion deal with Healthex is up in the air.

“Our project is on hold while she focuses on her family,” said a rep.

The fall clothing line is still available at Wal-Mart, but Gosselin is not involved.

Jon and Kate Gosselin are speaking out about their pending divorce:

“During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation,” the Gosselins said — in a public statement released on the Web site of TLC, which airs Jon & Kate Plus 8.

“Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many.”